Doing the flash back post early this morning has sure enhanced my mood , but not enough to let go what has been bothering me. Quite recently I did a post on how Aryan has been a brat these days. Now I must say that brat is a word too small for Aryan.
Yesterday evening he saw butter in fridge and wanted to eat it. Eat it as in just butter. I made him taste a little. But he insisted on more. I offered bread slice with butter , but he wanted just butter. I tried to explain and gave so many different options , but he cried his heart out. He rolled on floor , scratched my face , pulled my hair , bite my legs , all for little butter. This biting thing is whats driving me crazy from long time. You just don't respond to him for a second and he will bite you at the most wierd place possible. So yesterday I lost my temper and he got one on his cheek.
This was not all. About an hour later , at around 10 , we were trying to put him to sleep. But he suddenly started crying. After a long time we could figure out that he wanted to go to living room and so hubby took him there. But NO , he wanted to go to living room with me coz he doesnot want to sleep now. I tried to compromise by playing with him , reading books, singing song , but all in vain. We should do what he says. And so the tantarum repeated. This time Anupam gave him one , for the first time.
Now , though he doesnot get hit so often , but these kinds of tantarams have become a daily affair. He wishes to command us for each and everything. After office , I should spend 100 % time with him. Should repond to his needs within 1 second. Should do only what he wants. All this is driving us nuts.
This weekend , we went shopping for grocery and he wanted to bring all the shelves down. When I resisted , I got a scratch under my eye.
I do not know what should I do to discipline this guy. I don't give in to him , but I do compromise , coz I cannot let him cry forever. But it doesnot work always. Sometimes I loose my temper like anything. Sometimes he doesnot compromise and he leave him crying for long.
Something is not right. God knows what.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I am getting crazy
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8 comments:
Same situation in our household also. Sometimes I beat him so that he eats something..Ahh..I wish he was small and had not grown big....whatever I say Aryan simply refuses to take it..
Aryan's mom
umm.. All the Best, i dont know what to say! Just one guess, is he getting enuf attention when u r not at home? He cld just be doing it for attention?
It looks to me that he is asking for attention.. it is very difficult for working parents, as the child only seems them in the evening, by then they are already cranky and worn out and the call for attention turns to a tantrum. I would suggest some play time and a soothing soak in a tub for him before bedtime to relax him. Spanking will only aggravate the situation ..
First you are no longer in control, and the toddler knows this believe me!
Second it teaches him that its okay to resort to violence when he is upset!
Try time outs they work remarkably well esp at this age. Put him in a high chair and tell him you will not talk to him till he stops screaming and shouting... its difficult the first few times, but if you keep at it I promise it will start working soon.
Most importantly.. count till 10 and keep your calm, punishing or telling off the kid is needed, but as long as we are calm and still in control. I hope you see what I mean.
Good luck with everything.. they don't call it terrible 2's for nothing!!
Sorry for the long winding advice..
I think hitting a child (at this age especially) just doesn’t work. I see Kutie starting to throw tantrums, but it’s mostly when I don’t pay attention to him. Right when I get back from work, he wants to play – but often I want to change, eat something etc. (now that I know this, I try to eat something before leaving work, so I can play with him for 10 mins before doing my daily things)
The best policy is to distract the kids with something else you know they will like – in my case, Kutie loves trucks, buses and cars – so when he gets into one of his 'fits' if its possible, I just take him out of the house. But at times, the very few times, when you have time and energy to be with him – give in. Yes I said give in – especially if they are asking for something that is not life threatening like asking for a knife or a glass bottle, give in. (You will need to use your best judgment here of course)
In my case Kutie wants that spoon that I know he will chew on and almost gag him-self – I give it to Kutie, when I know one of us is around to keep an eye on him. BTW, I had brought up discipline with kids with my doctor and she too suggested distraction works best at this age.
On little Aryan biting and throwing a tantrum, try to breathe and tell him that Amma is hurt by this, don’t overreact by crying or shouting out loud; but just let him know that its not the right thing to do. Try to soothe him, asking what he wants to do (often they will just continue to cry and not tell you anything) but just the actions will help both of you, to calm oneself. BTW, is he teething by any chance?
tag's done!
I see that you are quite stirred up 'cause of this. You have got some good pieces of advice already. I just want to add that I have read from a child psychologist that if a child hurts you or hits you then, if i understood it correctly, distance yourself from him so that it cannot not hit you and make it clear that it is not Ok.
Another thing which a childminder told me again and again is that it is ok if a child cries. Let him. give him time for it. This is his way of coping with the situation. Help him as much as you can. Give him time to calm down before you can explain to him anything.
But I find it hard too when Rishab throws such tantrums and he also gets really angry. If only I had some more patience.
And one advice from me: try to analyse what make you so angry that you hit him. Try to pin point the thing, and if you already know it then think what is about it that makes you angry. Try to keep his point of view in mind and then find a solution. It willnot come overnight. And work on YOURSELF and NOT ARYAN. Hope you got my point. I am tyring it and it is working, slowly but it is working. I'm working on myself. :)
All the best!
Its just a phase. He is tryig to be more assertive. At the same time, he misses you and doesnt know how to take it out!
Just give him some time and patience. Try to divert him when he is on this tantrum throwing spree.
You need to keep your cool.
Hi all , Thank you SOOOOO MUCH for all your reponses. It really feels good to have you all by my side. Yes, i am hopeful that its just a phase. As PG says , we are working on ourselves , to keep our control. Yesterday all went well upto 11.30 , when we got dead tired and wanted to crash, and so it was 1 hour of crying and struggle. I don't know if thats about getting attention ,as I virtually do nothing except playing with him when I am at home. From past sometime , he wants only me and not his papa to play with. I do not know the reason for this change too. Earlier he will have different priorties at different times.Timeout idea seems to be good and I will surely try it. Some of you said , crying is ok ..I also feel that , but I do not knwo till when, coz I do not want him to feel dejected.
Anyways , I am trying , sometimes a few things work , most of the times nothing does. Lets see how it goes. Just that I do not want him to grow up to be a rebel.
Thank you everyone :-) I will maintain my coool :)
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