Last sunday my maid (V) was on leave for some puja at her place. Actually she promised that she would come in the evening after the pooja , but she did not turn up. The next day when she came, I was angry , not because she took leave but because she did not inform me about that. So when I was talking to her about that she just said , "Sorry Amma". And when I said a word further she said that please don't say anything to me Amma. So I kept shut , thinking that she might be too tired or upset about something and anyways me shouting now would do no good.
But wednesday morning again she tells my husband that she will not come on thursday. My husband tried a lot , convincing her to come , telling her that it gets tough for her when she takes leaves and that this will be her 3rd leave in this month. But all in vain , she just kept saying that she has some work and she will not take leaves that often again. So he left it at that.
Some time later I politely asked her , what was that she is upset about or is she not well. The reason she told after much prodding , left me without words.She said that her brother's daughter has commited suicide by jumbing into the well 3 days back. The reason was that she failed in her 10th exam. She said that she wants to visit them and has not been able to go for 3 days.
I was too shocked. Why do the kids take such extreme steps. Till now we have been hearing this in urban areas , but now even in rural areas. Good part is that the kids getting aware of the need to be educated. But worse is the fact that these sucides are not because they are worried of their future , but becasue they are worried of the social pressures. What will my parents say ? What will everyone think ?
My maid said that the girl left the world , but she did not thing what will the family go through and how will we feel. I agree with her. People who comit sucide , run away from their pressures but they leave their loved ones to answer so many questions by the society. Parents , who have loved us all their lives , how can we ditch them like that. How can we just escape , leave our parents in all their sorrow to be looked down upon by the entire world.
I felt horrible the entire day. This lady V lost her 17 year old son last year. His death has been a mistery as he was found dead in a well after he was missing for 2 days. People suspected a suicide or an accident. Her only kid now is her 13 years old daugther D, who studies in the same village (stays with her grandmom there ) and will be doing her 10th next year.V wants her daughter to get educated, unlike her and this is what she told me when this girl passed 9th. But V doesnot want to leave D in the village now. Worse is that D has been there since childhood and doesnot want to come back. So V has no choice.
I could feel the pain and the scare in her words. Fear of loosing her only daughter , whom she loves like anything. Why can the kids not understand that their parents love them irrespective of their failure or success. Why do they not understand that running away from a problem is not a solution. Rather it brings immense sorrow and so many problems for our loved ones.
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10 comments:
I think it is not right to blame the kids. Kids learn what we teach them. And for some reason our actions, words, and pressures teach them that failure is not acceptable. It is a sad plight in many countries in Asia.
what does the kid know? she probably was really scared of facing her parents with her failure. She must be thinking that they have spent so much money on educating her and she couldn't even pass!
I'm sure she must have been told this by her parents at some time before the exams, its so imp that she clear.
One of my maid has 3 kids. the eldest is the perfect child, the other 2 have flunked, refuse to do any work and are only interested in having fun. And yes they have taken to stealing as well. they go on their father, who has the same attitude.
Like Solitaire says, its all about what we as parents teach them. and it takes a lot of guts to kill yourself, how do they come up with so much of courage?
Oh.. this is so sad...
I feel horrible after reading this...
But, I feel we need to teach our children that they can come to us, however big the problem might be - and that whatever be the problem - we as parents are there for support and help and to encourage them to give their best...
And that running away doesn't solve anything
I think this is a lesson for us parents to be learned. That we tell them, or children, that whatever happens- whatever ever happens- we will always love them and that we are there for them.
This is really sad. But It is important what signals they are picking up from the environment around them - whether she has been subjected to a lot of expectations and pressures beyond her capabilities and competence.
If possible ask your maid to get her daughter to your place and counsel her - she may not get this in her environment now.
As everyone said , I agree that it is parents responsibility to tell kids that education is important but not as important as their life is. So yeah , parents may have to share some responsibilty. At the same time we cannot always blame the parents. Otherwise we would never see contrasting nature of two kids of same parents.
Ahh...it happens yarr..they need extreme courage to suicide...with that courage they can live..but they don't understnd..
AM
hmmm its so sad. I wonder why the children of today do not value the gift called "life". That apart, yeah Usha is right. Try to counsel her. She may listen.
@ Aryan,
I agree with you. People say that suicide is an act of cowardice. Few realize that it takes A LOT OF COURAGE to end your own life. We can teach these kids to use this courage to pass the sad phase.
It is neither courage or cowardice to commit suicide. This ia not my opinion, it is a fact. A person commiting suicide shows syptoms or tendencies of it muich before ti does that. It is a serious medical condition. So, the blame surely does not go the patient, who is too young and inexperinced to pick up just the right kind of positive influence from his environment to understand that it is wrong to do it.
I have once read a wonderful post written by one of your fellow blogger about resilience in children and how it comes. I think that is surely needed for a child to feel so strong, self confident and secure to fall into such an "illness", depressions being the begining stage. It surely also depends on your inborn nature. But then in that case it is all the more important to make your child resilient, isn't it?
Swati, I think it is not about blaming anybody. But, yes, if you know the symptoms, one can surely avoid such things happening with a child or teenager. And parents are the first and closest to him, who would notice such things, but I guess, poverty and hardships make life tougher to give you the time energy to give the time needed for your child and such things happen, unfortunately.
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