Ohh none of us is alone. 'Mommy Guilt' has hit each one of us at times. I did a post and then I read Poppin and JLT. We expressed in different ways , but its all the same.
Here is what I read today :
"Mommy guilt" is both instinctual and cultural, he says. "Our culture looks to Mom to be the person who is there, who is hands on. There is this feeling that 'This is what I'm supposed to be and anything else I do is selfish.' "
Crawford says working mothers who feel an inordinate amount of guilt often try to overcompensate by forcing quality time with their children. These attempts can often backfire. "Any guilt that you carry from home to work or work to home will interfere in your performance in that role and in your satisfaction with that role. So you're really cheating yourself."
Not only is guilt harmful for couples, but Crawford believes it also hurts children. "A child will pick up on that and they'll ultimately feel like they're the reason that Mom feels guilty."
Read the full article here.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
'Mommy guilt' a fact of life for most with kids
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4 comments:
hmm...quite thought provoking lines from Crawford.
Will read on the article..thanks for sharing with us!
Trouble is that you young parents live at a time when overparenting is the norm and nothing you do is enough - that is another reason for the guilt.
I don't believe fro a minute that "any guilt that you carry from home to work or work to home will interfere in your performance..." Guilt is a normal emotion. The level of intensity is what can positively/negatively effect parenthood and work responsibilities. I fear that Crawford's assertions that children pick up on guilt and will feel like it is their fault, then makes moms think "wow, my guilt is screwing up my kid, I must be a terrible parent for feeling this way and now it's damaging my child." This isn't the way Aviva and I see mommy guilt at all. a little guilt isn't a bad thing and it's not terrible for your children either. Also, our research has shown that the guilt-0-meter runs equally high in all moms regardless of employment status. What induced em to feel guilty is different, but the levels are the same.
Bottom line is to be aware of your guilt, try to zone in on why it is there and what purpose it may be serving. If we can help absolve more of it, let us know!
Children are certainly sensitive to our emotions, but it hurts either way.
The child of a SAHM may pick up on her feelings of regret / disappointment in not being able to get back to work, the child of a working mom may sense her guilt.
Children need to learn to deal with emotions themselves and understand that mommy and daddy may feel that way on occasion, but that it never, never means that they are not loved and wanted.
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