My Heart Breaks :(

Today we left Aryan to his day care after a 3 days holiday. He cried out and clinged to me so badly. I still feel like crying for him. He wanted to spend time with his Nana Nani , whom he was missing for a LONG time. But then we thought of sending him to day care alternate days , in order to maintain his habit. Or may be ask my dad to pick him up by afternoon.

Just to tell you the back ground Aryan is very attached to his maternal grand father and paternal grand mother.My parents are here for 10 days and then with Anupam's parents for another 15 days.

After today's incident , I am in a fix. I am asking too much from my little boy :(( May be I can just have him a blast for a month and see what happens when we start the day care again after they are all gone. I know he will be totally disappointed then , but then that will last for a week or so , while he will cry everyday if we go by what we planned.

P.S. : The Birthday Bash post is up , here.

Just to Inform - I am still alive

Life is busy at office these days , so hardly getting time to read and write :-( The home PC was also unwell , resumed to life yesterday evening. Didnot even replied to so many comments and mails. Sorry ladies and Gentlemen :-(

Whats the post about ..just some updates and rants :)

Weekend was just the usual , with a trip to a mall , buying of veggies , slight back ace , a few fights , cooking favourite dishes, one dine out and playing with Aryan.

Aryan is suffering from cough and cold. I just cannot see him coughing. Blame the weather :(

These days I get head ache too often, need to discover the reason. Plus my weight is increasing exponentially and trust me I try a lot to control my taste buds. I should try and figure out if all is right with the system. Also , should plan some workout. I am too reluctant for this one except for a 15 mins walk everyday , I don't really do anything :-(

I need to study as well. Thats one of my oraganizational goal to complete a certification. This is a reminder to myself :-)

My dilemma for day care / preschool / school and house continues. The current house doesnot suit me. I hate the distance from office and plus the stairs indoors. We should shift. But then we do not know where . Aryan's day care doesnot have a preschool. So we need a preschool , but our concious doesnot allow us for letting Aryan travel from preschool to day care, he is too small. But at the same time we lack guts to shift his day care. Somehow we trust that place plus Aryan is settled. So these questions are at the back of mind 24/7.

Thats it for the day. Will write more when I have lesser work and more time :)

Strange Behaviour of Aryan

We started daycare for Aryan in July last year. He was almost one year then. Mornings , he used to cry when we used to leave him. We thought its okay for him to cry in the mornings for some time. We read in books and were told by friends that its called seperation anxiety.
When we used to pick him up in evening,he used to cry a little as soon as he would see us .But once in our laps he used to smile , at us as well as the ladies in day care.So we waited for him to stop crying in the evening. He did. But he used to show great joy and come running to us , in the fastest way possible. Crying in morning also became less and there were days (off and on) when there was no crying at all. While that’s not a daily trend still.
Now , why am I writing this today ? Because we have noticed a very strange thing from past three days. When we reach in the evening , we see him sitting happily on a rocker or a toy car. But when he sees us , the joy and the smile vanishes. The happy face suddenly changes into a sad face. He does not run to reach us. He comes to us normally. Though once in our laps , he still smiles and laughs at us and to the ladies. In the car on the way back, he is just fine.Happy as always.
But that 30 seconds , when he suddenly shows no joy to see us , is killing. What could be the reason ? Is he complaining ? Or is he disappointed to see us there, that now he would have to leave all fun and go home ? Does he has a problem there ? If so , why does he smiles at the people there and say bye to them.I can see an affection in his eyes for them.

Has some one been in a similar situation ?

Bangalore Moms : Calling for HELP !!

Bangalore has so many so many young working moms. Why don't we have some good day cares and playschools. I have not seen even a single daycare/playschool with enough space , confident and capable staff. Either the place is small or dark. Or the staff is new and inexperienced. Not a single place with a lawn.

I really need help. Infact we can help each other. Please list down a few places here. Lets compile a list of "Playschool and Daycare" here. Please leave me names as comments and I will publish those here.

Here is what I know :
Sparrows Care , HSR Layout - DayCare and PlaySchool
Positives
1. DayCare and PlaySchool in one Premises
2. Commodious and Clean
3. Good Cots and Matresses
4. Freshly cooked Food
5. Camera , so that we can see baby from our offices.
6. Lot of activities with all kinds of toys.

Negatives

1. The owner is not experienced for running a day care and sounded too theoritical.
2. Felt like she was insisting too too much on schedule and I am not sure that kids can be programmed to a schedule so well (includes food and sleep timings) and how good is that for their normal physical and more importantly physcological growth.
3. Diapers , why will anyone bother for potty training when baby is in diaper.
4. TV, who wants little kids hooked to TV.
5. Staircase inside the house.


Baby's Day Out , Basavnagar,HAL -DayCare
Positives
1. The Old Lady is well experienced ,not only being old , running the place from 2 years.
2. Baby will get a homely environment.
3. No Diapers , so faster potty training
4. Baby's routine and food will not be changed much , just that he will need to get adjusted to new place.
5. Kid :Adult ratio is good.

Negatives
1. No planned activities. Baby will just spend time as he/she wants.
2. No Playschool
3. 2 kms inside the main road.
4. Small space , no open area.

VidyaArambh, Outer Ring Road - DayCare and PlaySchool
Positives
1. Spacious
2. The director was focussed and planned the schedule well.
3. No Diapers
4. Ecomomical compared to others

Negatives
1. The Daycare was across the busy road
2. No open area to play
3. The day care teachers were not confident enough.
4. Staircase inside the house.

Vibgyor High, Marathalli - DayCare and PlaySchool
Positives
1. Spacious and open. Lot of space to play
2. Play School was satisfactory

Negatives
1. The Daycare was not a facility but a priveledge given. No Matress , no furniture , no toys.
2. Food was out sourced from a caterer and they were already complaining about it being spicy.
3. Expensive
4. Approach road has no "road" and has no lights.

Another milestone !

Day 2 (Thursday)
We decided that I should join for the drop even today.We kissed Aryan and said bye to him , before handing him over to the maid.We told him that we will come to pick him up and he can have fun till then.Told him not to cry and eat well.He did not cry while going to her and till he could see us.We heard him crying from inside though.

I called around 11.30 and she told , he was not crying and had morning snacks.She said all the morning he did not let anyone come near to him and cried when we took him to other kids.Then I called around 3.00, he has had his lunch.He slept for 1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in evening.Paati said that he was quiet but wanted to be alone.Evening he started little bit crawling in his room though.I told her that he might be scared of too many people and asked her to leave him with 2-3 kids.It worked and she told that he loved observing them.Anupam picked him up around 5.30 and he told Aryan was crawling in the room when he reached.

Day 3 (Friday)
Anupam dropped him to the place and I said a bye to him , before I got down for my office.He cried while going to the maid.He ate usual.He crawled outside to the other room.He made friends with Paati and maids, but was still scared to go near the kids.He loved watching them from distance though.

Evening I decided to give a surprise visit and spend sometime there , playing with him.He could sense me as I stepped in.He was playing and the door was half shut , but as I stepped he turned around and cried for me.He was happy as soon as I took him in my arms.He smiled at everyone from my lap.But did not want me to sit there.Wanted to come back home.He looked for his papa , as he heard a car horn, who planned to pick us up after 30 minutes.So ,aryan and I roamed inside the place, talking to kids and maids and Paati.Idea was to make him feel at home.I could see that he was not scared of anyone.But was just not comfortable as there were so many kids.I made him play with another kid , but the other kid dominated as he was little older. Aryan greeted his Papa with a smile.

On the whole , it seems that things will be good very soon.Another milestone achieved for the baby and more importantly for the parents !!!

The D (Day Care) Day !

I know some of you would have checked the page for this post.I know, I should have posted this before. But I decided to keep shut for some time about the topic.You can say I was sitting with my fingers crossed.Did not want to be happy too soon.

So the story goes like this.We planned to take Aryan to the day care on the 'important monday' (as Manasi describes it) ,i.e, 2nd July.We started preparing Aryan mentally for the change from Saturday by letting him know that he is going to have loads of fun with kids of his age all day and get a long car ride to and fro. So he will not be bored when Mumma Papa are not around and so on. God only knows though if he understood.

Monday morning , after bath , when I put the diaper to him ..he asked me "uuh ?" as if "why diaper ?" (we dont use diaposable diapers at home) and I told him that he has to go to school from today.He started getting clingy and making noise ..as if saying .."nooo ..dont want to go" ..but no crying.

Though Anupam will be usually driving him there , I wanted to join on day 1 but Anupam was somehow not convinced about me going all the way in a different direction.Me on the other hand wanted to give all the info about by baby , first hand to the care taker.

Well , I did not go and Anupam and my Papa drove Aryan to the place. The Paati(as I would call the care taker from now) was delighted to see that my parents are still around and she adviced Anupam to come back after 2 days.She said that 2 kids are not well and Aryan might get infection , so not a good day to begin with.With all the anxities over the weekends , sleepless nights and horrible dreams , we were pissed off , since the begining we were waiting for, had been delayed by 2 days. Now , 2 more days of wait.

All that happens , happens for good. I was allowed to join anupam to the place on Wednesday,4th July.When we reached there the maid grabbed Aryan from Anupam and rushed inside , while I was taking out his bag from the car.I updated Paati with his supplies and his habits to my satisfaction.Gave her a list of supplies. In my anxiety I did not realize that I did not even bid a usual bye , to my baby.I realized that quite late while we were returning and this guilt bothered me the whole day.He would have felt ,Mumma did not even tell me , if she will return or not like she does every day.

That day , I guess we could hardly work in our offices. I called Paati around 11.00 and she told me that he is fine and crying a bit now and then and had a banana. Around 12.30 Anupam called her and she told that he had lunch but did not sleep , not crying though ,lying on his bed quietly ,sometimes talking to himself. Around 2.30 ,he was sleeping and she planned to give him milk after he woke up.I sobbed in satisfaction when I heard that.

We planned to pick him up around 4 and both of us reached there at 4.00.He could hear us from inside as we said 'Hi' to Paati and he cried.When I took him in my lap , he cried and complained.I did not know how to console him , infact I wanted to cry I guess.So I held him tight in my arms for 2 minutes and he was quiet. Then he went to his Papa and complained again for few seconds. Soon we were on the way home , with Aryan in my lap , smiling and singing.

Will write another post about the next few days.

P.S: We used car seat for first time on monday , and that went well too.He enjoyed sitting and having a view I guess and we kept a supply of wierd things to keep him busy.

A Father's Anxiety

Today morning while driving down to office ...suddenly Anupam said "Hmm..Kya Kare".It was as if he was thinking loud.So I asked him what happened .."late ho gaye na".I thought he is worried coz we are late today.But he said , nope .."woh nahi...soch raha hoon ..kaash Monday kabhi na aaye."

Now, don't think , he was having 'Monday blues' on a Thursday or that he hates to go to work on a Monday.He is not a workoholic but he loves to work.The statement was a father's anxiety.Aryan will go to Day Care from coming monday.About 45 minutes prior to the statement ,we had a discussion about Aryan's daycare and the prepartions for his first day.I was already past the discussion, but it was still on Anupam's mind and he wished his watch stops ticking.

My Baby Strongest!

"My Daddy Strongest!"..must have heard / read this.Did you ever hear/read "My Baby Strongest!". Funny it may sound , as we always associate "Strong" with physical strength.But here I mean inner strength.

Don't you think that your little baby is the strongest.Stronger than you and his dad. Labour and Birth, remember how you felt after that.And imagine your strong boy,he was so so small and he came out in flying colours.Moreover did not rest for a minute.He struggled to breathe and then to latch.

But not only that,further ahead in life, he showed us so much courage.Remember the day when you joined back work after maternity ? Leaving your little one to someone else.I remember my heart beating fast all through the day. I remember that I felt like crying. But somehow I believed that my baby is stronger than me, that he can handle all.Aryan proved me right.Till date , he never cried when I left for office.Sometimes he would cling to me before I leave and sometimes he makes fuss , but he is fine after a minute and that makes me strong and confident.People have been telling me from last 6 months that , "Wait for another month and he won't let you go." I always thought they are right , but probably now I don't think so. I never sneaked away. We always say bye to him. Touch wood, all works well till date. Thanks to his dadi too, probably she never let him feel that I am away.

Now we have another exam round the corner.Aryan would go to day care. I know probably my heart will bump out and Anupam's too.Aryan is such a pampered baby.He has never stayed away from family.Will he get adjusted ? Will he sleep in noise , he is not used to it ? How will they make him eat,he is not fussy but only we know the tricks to feed him? So many , so many worries.But somehow back of my mind I feel , I should trust my son.He is strong and he makes me feel confident.

You know Mum's will be Mum's. They never get to know when the kid grows up.

Complete Contrast !!

Found two different day cares in two different localities. These places were refered and praised by Anupam's collegues and suit us somewhat (we will need to shift house , for one),so are top in the list.But they turned out complete contrast. D1 and D2 is what I will refer them , for ease of writing.

D1 is a new place , in a posh locality , opened by a US returned fairly young female.The place is big , clean and carpeted,good cots and matresses, equipped with latest toys , educated teachers (which will do ALL) , plasama TV and CC cameras. They will give food , engage them in lot of activities and discipline them to a schedule.She will use diapers , but assures that she will train them for potty.

D2 on the other hand is a homely place , run by a old Tamilian lady , called Paty(Granny) by the kids. The place is comparitively smaller , non-carpeted , no fancy toys , no matresses and cots but simple floor mats, no teachers but aayas, no TV and no camera.We have to pack and keep the food with them , which will be heated and served. Kids will be allowed to live as they want , no discipline , but she will not use diapers and train them for potty.

NOW..why the confusion !! Let us make a list of Pros and Cons :

D1 - Pros

1. Commodious and Clean
2. Good Cots and Matresses
3. Freshly cooked Food
4. Camera , so that we can see baby from our offices.
5. Lot of activities with all kinds of toys.

D2 - Pros

1. The Old Lady is well experienced ,not only being old , running the plae from 2 years.
2. Baby will get a homely environment.
3. No Diapers , so faster potty training
4. Baby's routine and food will not be changed much , just that he will need to get adjusted to new place.
5. ***specific to me*** No need to shift house.

D1 - Cons

1. The owner is not experienced for running a day care and sounded too theoritical.
2. Felt like she was insisting too too much on schedule and I am not sure that kids can be programmed to a schedule so well (includes food and sleep timings) and how good is that for their normal physical and more importantly physcological growth.
3. Diapers , why will anyone bother for potty training when baby is in diaper.
4. TV, who wants little kids hooked to TV.
5. ***specific to me*** Will need to shift house.

D2 - Cons

1. No planned activities. Baby will just spend time as he/she wants. So not sure how well will he learn new things and if Just sleeping , eating and playing with other kids is good enough.
2. Hygine and cleaniness, It was a clean place but not spot less.


I plan to put Aryan to day care when he will be 11 months old.Both the places have been highly praised by collegues and so they are highly prefered among others. But how do I decide among the two ?

Finding a Day Care ????

The Process is going on and on and on...We do not belong to Bangalore but then nobody does really belong to a Metro. Whats more problemtic is , we hardly have company of people of our age group. So here I am searching for a day care for my little one even before he was born.
But I still stand no where.Now he is about 10 months old and in another 2 months we have to put him in a daycare. If only anyone could tell me , where do I lack effort :

1. I asked all friends and relatives in Bangalore , with and without kids.
2. I asked all of collegues,even the bachelors.
3. I read all the classified , message boards and sources available on internet.
4. I posted ads whereever possible.
5. I called Just dial several times.
6. I called all preschools to ask if by any chance they run a day care too.
7. I visited day cares in various localities , so that if any one suits my needs , I may even shift my house.

But nothing worked till date. Could all the women out there tell me ..HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WORK !!!!!!

Good mothering makes you a good mother

I Read the following here :After I had kids I realized that it doesn’t matter if you stay home, if you work full or part time, if your kids are homeschooled, public-schooled, in daycare, or not. Those are all variables. They are not reliable indicators of a good upbringing.

The best indicator is how you parent.

Spending all day with your kids, staying home, that doesn’t make you a good mother. Practicing good mothering makes you a good mother

Every Mom's battle..

Career or kids..Every Mom's battle..A lot and lot has been debated over the topic and a lot can still be debated and still I am not sure if we can come to a conclusion.The topic is neither new nor is it related to current generation.But its much of a debate for me because here the question is not only "if I should work or I should not" ..but more that "if I should" then how ?

The traditional "if I should or if I should not" debate was always there and I decided that I will try and work as long as I can, for many reasons.

First, I feel working gives me a sense of satisfaction.Being a home maker 24/7 is probably not my cup of tea. I believe that working ladies can also be home maker.Though ofcourse they may not be able to dust the carpets every day , they will still be able to pack lunch for their kids and serve dinner to their husbands.I feel I need some satisfaction at the end of the day which comes when I am working.I feel loving and taking care of your family comes so naturally to any woman that it hardly matters if she works or she does not.

Second, definitely I can bring a better living to my kids. Though their future is secure otherwise also , my little effort will definitely give it an extra push.

Another reason is I have realized that after few years our kid will not need us as much as they need us today. As soon as they go to school they will be busy. In their early teens they will have studies , friends and loads of other activities to keep them busy.They will need their own privacy. So they will no longer want you around 24/7 and you will start feeling empty and lonely with everyone busy in their own worlds.All you will end up will be watching 6-8 daily soaps a day.Plus you will be surprised , shocked and hurt when your 10 year old will come and tell you ,"Mom ..my teacher asked me what does your mom do ? And I said "nothing". Why don't you go to office like Prateek's and Ritesh's moms ?" I have observed that even kids feel a sense of pride in telling that their moms are working.

Though I have decided to work , I still have my set of dilemmas and questions ..like how will I cope up with work pressures and daily chores? How will I manage to be happy and fresh in front of my kids even after a day's work? How will I make them understand that I may need to go to office on coming saturday and we have to postpone a picnic? How will I compete with my male counterparts in office and do justice to my job when I will have a different priority? There are a hundred such questions and I know only time will find answer to these.

Today I need to find answer to another question ..How do I work ?
If your parents are around you , you need not worry about taking care of your kids when you are at work.You can just hire a domestic help and parents can take care the rest. But the problem comes, when you stay in a different city away from parents. In an alien metro, you don't feel comfortable leaving your new born with an unknown maid.Will she sleep when he needs milk or when he is crying ..will she run away locking your kid behind..will your kid learn abusive language from her..are few of the many reasons that prevent me from thinking about leaving my kid with a maid.

The other and only option I am left with is a Day Care/Creche for babies.But to my own surprise I am not able to find any satisfactory kinds even in a place like Bangalore ..where we suppose we have a good percentage of working women compared to other cities in India.Though our parents are most welcome at our place ,I cannot expect them to sacrifice their work and their lives forever for letting me work.I feel guilty about this.If I quit work today and decide to work after 3-5 years when my kids are school going and they can go to an after school day care (where I suppose we have some better options) , then will I be able to find a job. Being in knowledge industry ..I dont think it will be possible. Even if I can (which is next to impossible)..I will be far far behind my couter parts.

With so many women in IT ..I can find many of my friends are struggling with the same BIG question and many of them have chosen to giveup inspite of a strong desire for work.
I am still not sure where will I end up ..probably in a different profession is what comes to my mind ..but then, I will have another set of questions there.