A Father's Anxiety

Today morning while driving down to office ...suddenly Anupam said "Hmm..Kya Kare".It was as if he was thinking loud.So I asked him what happened .."late ho gaye na".I thought he is worried coz we are late today.But he said , nope .."woh nahi...soch raha hoon ..kaash Monday kabhi na aaye."

Now, don't think , he was having 'Monday blues' on a Thursday or that he hates to go to work on a Monday.He is not a workoholic but he loves to work.The statement was a father's anxiety.Aryan will go to Day Care from coming monday.About 45 minutes prior to the statement ,we had a discussion about Aryan's daycare and the prepartions for his first day.I was already past the discussion, but it was still on Anupam's mind and he wished his watch stops ticking.

Ta Ra Rum Pum

I saw another movie on Saturday.That was Ta Ra Rum Pum.I had great expectations from the movie, considering that it was a Yashraj movie and also Rani and Saif were repeating themselves after Hum Tum and ofcourse because of the promos.But I guess I was disappointed.Nothing to blame the actors ofcourse , who played their roles well , including the kids and the dog too.But something was missing. The story was not new , well that ofcourse is never new in any of the Yashraj movies. Its only the treatment of the story , that makes it happening. They tried to treat this differently too. The Car Racing was an innovative thought in Bollywood.But then the poverty shown in the movie was too old fashioned (not sure if thats the right word).

He was a so very successful man , with two kids and an intelligent educated wife.He had a trauma of an accident and could not do what he was best at.Okay , understandable, but his wife who is known for her forsightedness , did not see the rainy days ahead and waited till they are hand to mouth. She simply sat at home for 2 years (one when he was bed ridden and next when he was looking out another team).For those 2 years , she neither completes her degree , nor searched a job.And suddenly one fine day they don't have anything to eat.

What more , they decide to hide everything from their kids and let them go in the same top school.Okay..school is understood , but I feel they could have told their kids that they have some hard days ahead.Now , as in most hindi movies , the kids suddenly start behaving as adults and so did the little girl , when they realize that they are poor.Now, I could not digest the love of the kids for their school, so much that they were ready to skip lunch everyday and eat from dustbins.

The movie gets super slow in second half.It you forget the motor racing and the foriegn location , you will feel like you are watching a movie in 1960's rather than in 2007.The climax was an obvious one and no one could have expected otherwise.

Bheja Fry

Ohh..it surely was!!! Sunday evening we all had our bhejas fried in our own living room with Mr Bharat Bhushan(Vinay Pathak) , the star of the movie.Now don't you ask me what was the story about and questions like that.Infact if you ask me , what made me cry, thats also tough , cause we all laughed so much that we had tears.

Mr Thandani calls Mr Bharat Bhushan for a dinner ,to make him a bakra in front of his friends.But they could not leave for the dinner , because of Mr Thandani's broken back.
So , two of them are at Thandani's house , with Mr Bhushan entertaining Thandani with his music and Thandani laughing at the idiot.Soon they came to know that Thandani's wife has left the home (for no obvious reason) , may be forever. So imagine Mr Thandani pissed off with his broken back and then with his wife and in company of a super idiot.

Thandani is dependent on Bharat Bhushan , because of his broken back.Mr Bhushan gives ideas and suggestions to Thandani to get his wife back or atleast find out where she was.All the ideas seemed to work , only until the idiot screwed them up.

The dialogue delivery is what makes you laugh like anything.All the actors have played their part well.Vinay Pathak and Rajat Kapoor were amazing ,while Pathak stole the show.

The climax made me imagine , who was the real Bakra, coz all through the movie Mr Bhushan made bakra of Thandani using his idioticity.

Imagining about Aryan's Birthday..

Aryan's Birthday is round the corner. Just about 25 days when my son would be an year old.This is just so unbelievable till this date.Sometimes I am not able to believe that I am through with my pregnancy and then now I have to trust that my baby is going to be ONE.. :)

Aryan's Birthday celebration is bothering my mind from last 2 months.Since the time my pregnancy time friemds started celebrating their babies Birthdays.How will I celebrate ? Its his first Birthday , but he will not be able to remember anything.But it should be made special.We should atleast so something.But will he enjoy a party ? He doesnot have friends and most guests will be strangers to him. Will it be a torture for him ? I want to see him happy and not cranky when we celebrate. Coz its his day and no point celebrating when he is not happy.Should there be a party ? Should it be grand or quiet ? At home or in a hall or just a dinner in a restaurant with few friends/relatives ? What will Aryan enjoy ? If its a party , what kind of a Venue ? Lunch or Dinner ? Who all to be invited ? What should be return gifts ? What will be the Menu ?

Now, don't you laugh at me. You must be thinking how stupid I am to think of return gifts and Menu without even knowing if there is a party.Well , thats the typical me. I would imagine granular details and get excited thinking about them. But when I talk about them to my husband , all I would get to hear will be , still there is so much time, we will decide later.Should not blame him too, sine he cannot be like me, but its so depressing at times.

So, here I am thinking again an again about the same topic.And deciding somthing different, every other day. With very few friends and relatives in this city , my latest decision is to have a quiet dinner in some restaurant with 3-4 families.Anupam seems to agree on this.Now, I am thinking about the venue, which is still undecided.Probably because I cannot decide alone and others will paricipate just a week before.

I wish , Aryan could let me know, how he wants his Birthday to be.

Gifts : Are they all about money ?

Saturday is my boss's Birthday. We are about 10 of us reporting to him.We have a culture of taking the birthday boy/girl out for lunch. But since he is our boss , everyone wants to do an extra bit.Though I don't completely buy in of doing that just because he is boss , but I am ok with it , since he has shown his affection for the team enough number of times(which is although a part of his managerial role).

Okay , so we decided to do an extra bit , but for a lunch.Now what should this extra bit be. Some one suggested cake and we all were on for that , but they said thats not enough. Another extra bit...:P.Okay , I said a huge card , with everyones signatures and some nice words , which he can put on his desk.No , they said , a card is a waste and no one treasure that.Its only for a day and later , it lies dumped in or torn. May be his kids would tear it off.So what else? Now comes the real point.A crystal piece or a sandal piece ...ohh now I get the point. The extra bit is not to add an extra feeling , but some extra money. Boss should realize that the team has spent some good amount for his birthday.So its all amount money, you see though nobody says so.

Well , I never thought gifts in terms of money.I am too bad at that.For me gifts are more of an expression of feelings than money.I treasure a gift for the amount of thought thats put in that and not the money.That I know , will be misinterpreted in today's world.People would think I don't want to spend on giving something to someone.On a lighter note though,I can always go with this theory with my husband , who would be more than happy , if I spend less... ;-)

Similarily,I can wear a dress which I may not like at all , if thats gifted to me by some close relative.For the matter of fact that I know , It would have been bought with love and thoughtfullness and I should respect the feelings of the person.And I would never let the person know that I donot like it , coz I know that it hurts.

Now I remember my baby shower last year. My director is a female and she knows what a baby means to a female.She does a baby shower ceremony for those who leave for maternity and same was done for me.It was organized as a surprise.They decorated the conference room and I was called for a meeting.The room was full of people and balloons all over. Cake was cut and we had snacks. They gave some good money as gift, for Aryan, contributed by all.I felt TOP OF THE WORLD.I was really touched by their thoughtfullness , the effort to plan the surprise , to decorate the room , get the snacks and plan some games.I respect the money they gave as gift but that was too secondary for me.What mattered to me was how they made me feel.

They could have given me the envelope just at my desk and I could have forgotten all by today.Or they could have not given the envelope and I would have still treasured the feeling.

So , may be you know what I wanted to say , but may be not every one thinks the same way. May be I am one of the stupid emotional kind of persons, but you know I cannot really help it.

There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.
-Jill Churchill

The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.
-Ellen Goodman

Let us let them live their dreams.

One of my friend S , has an elder brother B.B is very intelligent and hardworking.He could study all night and continously for days and get into most premier institute of the country. S is four years younger to B and admire B for what he is. But B and her parents expects her to be same.To study day and night without break and get into same college.
S is intelligent but she cannot concentrate and study day and night at a stretch.She scores more than 80 % in all subjects but that is not enough.She is expected to copy B in her style of studying.She is expected to excel in same subjects. Since she always admired B , she tried her level best to immitate him.But she was different and she did not succeed.Today she does not know what does she wants? What are her own dreams ? Her own likes and dislikes ? Now that she did not succeed in what B did , what does she do now ? At 21 , she had no answer to this, no clue at all.

I wanted to be a doctor since childhood.It was my most cherished dream.But I could not. Should this mean that I would want my daughter to persue the same dream ? My daugher , who has not yet budded.My husband too wanted to be doctor , so should he wish the same for the 10 months old Aryan ? Or suppose , Aryan grows up , to be intelligent , gets education in some IIT or any premier institution of his times and gets a dream job.So should I expect my second chid to replicate him ?

Why do we force our unfulfilled dreams to our kids ? Why do we want our kids to replicate the success of their siblings or cousins ? Lets put ourselves in their shoes. Imagine you are expected to score a 98 in mathamatics when you really hate it.Imagine you are expected to qualify IAS when you wish to persue career in journalism.And all this is not because your parents think that this is good for you but because your elder brother did so and if he could then why can't you.

We as parents , fail to understand that each individual is different.We have a different set of dreams and different set of capabilities.As we could never be like our parents and our brothers in so many things , our kids can also be not like us and their siblings.And this is their birth right and not a crime.So many times we overshadow the personlaity of younger child by the elder's, so much that the younger one can never realize what his /her own dreams , capabilites and interests are.This is a crime.

Parents should help kids understand their capabalites and persue their interests. We can tell them good and bad.We can also shape up their dreams. But we should not want them to live our dreams.Let their lives be theirs.

My Baby Strongest!

"My Daddy Strongest!"..must have heard / read this.Did you ever hear/read "My Baby Strongest!". Funny it may sound , as we always associate "Strong" with physical strength.But here I mean inner strength.

Don't you think that your little baby is the strongest.Stronger than you and his dad. Labour and Birth, remember how you felt after that.And imagine your strong boy,he was so so small and he came out in flying colours.Moreover did not rest for a minute.He struggled to breathe and then to latch.

But not only that,further ahead in life, he showed us so much courage.Remember the day when you joined back work after maternity ? Leaving your little one to someone else.I remember my heart beating fast all through the day. I remember that I felt like crying. But somehow I believed that my baby is stronger than me, that he can handle all.Aryan proved me right.Till date , he never cried when I left for office.Sometimes he would cling to me before I leave and sometimes he makes fuss , but he is fine after a minute and that makes me strong and confident.People have been telling me from last 6 months that , "Wait for another month and he won't let you go." I always thought they are right , but probably now I don't think so. I never sneaked away. We always say bye to him. Touch wood, all works well till date. Thanks to his dadi too, probably she never let him feel that I am away.

Now we have another exam round the corner.Aryan would go to day care. I know probably my heart will bump out and Anupam's too.Aryan is such a pampered baby.He has never stayed away from family.Will he get adjusted ? Will he sleep in noise , he is not used to it ? How will they make him eat,he is not fussy but only we know the tricks to feed him? So many , so many worries.But somehow back of my mind I feel , I should trust my son.He is strong and he makes me feel confident.

You know Mum's will be Mum's. They never get to know when the kid grows up.

Times of 'Aryan'

"Times of Aryan" is an online scrapbook for Aryan, where I log some special pictures,videos,events,moments,memories and activities and we can see him growing at a glance. I desperately wait for the day , when Aryan would read this with me and imagine and cherish his childhood.